Latest Posts

  • Australian Rules 7

    REVEALED: The forgotten first match between a VFL team and an Aboriginal football team

    On Tuesday, September 16, 1913, something occurred that should be commemorated within the annals of Australian Rules football, but has instead been completely forgotten. The first ever match between a VFL team and an Aboriginal team. The match was an accident of history. After missing the finals for the first time since 1903, the Carlton Football Club made plans to visit Sydney ...

    On May 25, 2017 / By
  • Football 3

    “Fake News” media hid Donald Trump’s spectacular football career

    A dastardly cabal made up of dishonest media and Marxist football historians have for decades hidden the truth on Donald Trump’s spectacularly successful football career. I have bad news for this cabal. Trump’s term as U.S. President promises to be as triumphant as his term as a footballer. Period. Donald Trump’s prodigious athletic talent was apparent as a teenager. Former New York ...

    On February 2, 2017 / By
  • Football

    How Amor’s Pissants plunged from Paradise to Purgatory

    On May Day 2016, Adelaide United finally came of age.  Since its formation in 2003, the Reds had promised much, yet delivered little in the tangible form of silverware. The 3-1 success over the Western Sydney Wanderers at Adelaide Oval capped off an unprecedented A-League season in which the Reds rose from last place on the table in Round 8 to claim ...

    On December 30, 2016 / By
  • Football

    Hi-Ha-Hondelul: My family’s part in the moral downfall of Dutch football

    In a country renowned for charming cities and towns, Schiedam is always going to struggle to attract visitors.  Part of Greater Rotterdam, it’s not that it lacks things to see and do: much of its old town centre is archetypal Dutch, with canals, windmills (the tallest in Holland), delightful old buildings, a renowned art gallery-museum and a couple of fascinating museums, one ...

    On December 21, 2016 / By
  • Football

    Yoshi Battles the Evil Sokkah Haters (with help from The Flaming Lips)

    Hello Yoshi, Meet your long lost sister, Yoshimi. While you’ve been busy travelling around the country in your quest to find an A-League team to support, your bigger sister has been even busier bravely fighting evil pink robots in a distant land. Yoshi, I don’t know if you read the small print on your FFA contract, but it also requires you to ...

    On October 13, 2016 / By
  • Football

    In memory of Peter Grguric: The young star who was lost to football and claimed by the sea

    “I’ll never forget the thing Peter used to do, where he’d kick the ball, juggle it with his head, shoulders, back, knees, just standing, going bang, bang, bang,” Zdenka says. “You’d walk past, go to the toilet, he’d still be there going bang, bang, bang. You’d go to the other side of the house, look through the window, he was still doing ...

    On September 29, 2016 / By
  • Football

    Games Goals Glory: Eleven seasons of A-League as cause for celebration

    In 1977, my mother took me on a journey. We walked down to our little high street, with its two small supermarkets, the modest Woolworths general store, the menswear store where I bought my first footy socks, the shoe store where I made my mum buy me my first pair of Adidas sneakers (they were blue suede with yellow stripes and when ...

    On September 16, 2016 / By
  • Football 3

    Tom Rogic is…. A found poem to the man from the fan

    Midday in sunny Glasgow on September 10, 2016. Tom Rogic strolls on to the perfectly manicured pitch at Celtic Park. The occasion is the Old Firm derby. The ground is a cauldron of noise. The referee blows his whistle to start the game. Over the course of the next hour, random people take to Twitter and attempt to describe watching Tom Rogic ...

    On September 13, 2016 / By
  • Pop Culture 4

    Ten essential Aussie albums you should listen to before you die

    The Atlantics  Bombora  1963  (CBS) Listen when: You and Gidget are strapping your malibus to your woody. Fuck Dick Dale and Pulp Fiction. Bombora’s where it’s at.  Drunk old dude at Young & Jackson’s pub after the footy one night. They’re from the Pacific. They’re the Atlantics; and in the early 60’s they took the surf music world by storm. Their balls ...

    On August 19, 2016 / By
  • Pop Culture

    Nuts! The story of the man who got rich transplanting goat testicles into men

    Penny Lane’s documentary Nuts! works best if you have no idea who John Brinkley is; in that way, one is able to experience Brinkley as much of his medical clientele and radio audience would have experienced him – as an unknown doctor initially practising out of a remote part of Kansas, fighting against the self-interested and insular medical and media establishments. For ...

    On August 5, 2016 / By
  • Football

    When football’s Bad News Bears of Belize took on the Mennonites

    The Junior Coach’s prayer Lord, hear me now, for I have forever changed my stance!  No longer, Lord, will I scowl like the Devil at mothers and fathers with angry parent syndrome. No longer will I feel more righteous than thou – for I am a blasphemer. Forgive me, oh Lord. What would I know? I ain’t no parent. I could never ...

    On July 29, 2016 / By
  • Australian Rules

    The small, strange canon of Aussie Rules songs just got bigger with “Bob Chitty’s Blues”

    FOR all that Australian Rules football is played, watched, discussed, argued over and thought about, it resonates surprisingly little in the wider culture. There are some poems by Bruce Dawe. Barely a box set of films – “The Great MacArthy”, “The Club”, “Australian Rules”, one scene of “Funny People”. One great work by Sidney Nolan ( 1946’s “Footballer”), and the “Bush Footy” ...

    On June 17, 2016 / By
  • Sport 1

    How Waleed Aly tried to rope-a-dope Muhammad Ali and failed

    When we write about people, we talk about the times that shaped them and the experiences they’ve had. How else do we begin to understand these complex figures — especially those who’ve lived through eras we haven’t? Time is everything, and to give context to that time is important. The decisions and paths we take in life are governed by the social forces and ...

    On June 14, 2016 / By
  • Australian Rules

    Football: The Great Deradicaliser

    Paris is no stranger to terror attacks. In recent memory we have had the awful events of the “Charlie Hebdo Shooting” and the “Paris Attacks” which included the horrendous massacre at the Bataclan. Images of these terrorist acts were broadcast live around the world and shared on social media. Instantly, we were reminded of a movement that wanted to disrupt the order ...

    On June 10, 2016 / By
  • Australian Rules 6

    Cummeragunja: The Aboriginal football team that opened the eyes of White Australia

    In the 1930s, Sir Doug Nicholls was one of only two Indigenous player plying his trade in top flight football in Melbourne. But he did not come out of a vacuum, he was the product of a profound Australian Rules football legacy forged by the incredible exploits of a remarkable Aboriginal mission team. It is a story that should be better known ...

    On May 26, 2016 / By
  • Pop Culture

    So you want to be a rock ‘n’ roll star: The guide to DIY music

    How’s your drive-time commute? Enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal as “Life in the Fast Lane” oozes its pus fueled mediocrity through your Clarion speakers? Still jerking off to that Chiko Roll billboard? Did you ever stop to think about the surroundings that symbolise your life? A tad mediocre? Come on man, don’t be a wanker. Dig this. Legend, joker and ...

    On May 20, 2016 / By
  • Football

    Two seasons of Melbourne City: Still a pupa, but not as poop

    When Melbourne City made their debut in October 2014 I took the David Attenborough route and described them as Melbourne Pupa FC. For those of you who didn’t read the article or need a biological refresher – a pupa is the stage of an insect’s life when it undergoes the transformation from larva to imago. For example, when a caterpillar (larva) turns ...

    On May 13, 2016 / By
  • Football

    A Pissant Fairytale: How a City of Chokers became a City of Champions

    Prologue With a population of just 1.7m – nearly a million fewer residents than the next (4th) most populous Australian state, Western Australia (2.6m), it probably isn’t too surprising that South Australia struggles to make an impact economically. South Australia is growing at a far slower rate than its bigger siblings, and it suffers significant losses to interstate migration annually – from July ...

    On May 6, 2016 / By
  • Football

    Who will be The Biggest Choker? Shoot Farken’s A-League Grand Final Audio Preview

    Who will become the first team to lose three A-League Grand Finals? That is the question on everybody’s lips. Choking honours will be on the line this Sunday evening as the two best footballing teams in the A-League meet at Adelaide Oval in the ultimate conflict. Who will prevail and condemn their opponent to ignominy? Guillermo Amor’s premiership winning Adelaide United or ...

    On April 30, 2016 / By
  • Pop Culture

    Trout Mask Replica: Our 8 Step Guide to appreciating an “unlistenable” masterpiece

    “I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea.”   Fyodor Dostoyevsky Deep in the semi-fashionable Woodland Hills of Los Angeles, an inconspicuously disheveled rental property once lay in ruins. Today, the house is a most unremarkable renovated relic of a bygone era. But there are ghosts. Freakish ghosts. Ghosts of a conductorial nature, shrieking a ...

    On April 29, 2016 / By