Hello Yoshi,
Meet your long lost sister, Yoshimi.
While you’ve been busy travelling around the country in your quest to find an A-League team to support, your bigger sister has been even busier bravely fighting evil pink robots in a distant land.
Yoshi, I don’t know if you read the small print on your FFA contract, but it also requires you to wage war on another formidable enemy during this A-League season – sokkah haters.
Yes, evil sokkah haters.
For too long Australia’s sokkah fans and their fragile egos have been subjected to ritual humiliations perpetrated by these heartless enemies of the game.
Now, don’t tell me you thought the FFA was laying out all this cash and travel and fun times with Timmy Cahill and the boys just because you’re a sweet looking kid that might convince a few mums and dads to get kids your age off their lazy FIFA playing arse and take them to an actual A-League game.
Well, you thought wrong.
Don’t start crying, Yoshi. Don’t even attempt to quiver your bottom lip. It’s not going to work.
Now listen! Just like Yoshimi, you’ve got brave genes too, Yoshi.
You’re a born fighter!
In fact, Yoshimi is so brave, so courageous, psych-rock band The Flaming Lips wrote a song about her.
To motivate you, I have, with the permission of the ultra-magnanimous legend that is Wayne Coyne and The Flaming Lips, repurposed this magnificent pop song to make it all about you.
Now go out and kick some motherfuckin’ evil sokkah hating arse!!
Yoshi Battles The Sokkah Haters Part 1
His name is Yoshi
He’s a black belt in karate
Working for the city
He has to discipline his body
‘Cause he knows that it’s demanding
To defeat those sokkah haters
I know he can beat them
Oh Yoshi they don’t believe me
But you won’t let those haters eat me
Yoshi they don’t believe me
But you won’t let those haters defeat me
Those evil sokkah haters
They’re programmed to destroy us
He’s gotta be strong to fight them
So he’s taking lots of vitamins
‘Cause he knows that it’d be tragic
If those sokkah haters win
I know he can beat them
Oh Yoshi they don’t believe me
But you won’t let those haters defeat me
Yoshi they don’t believe me
But you won’t let those haters eat me
Yoshi they don’t believe me
But you won’t let those haters eat me
Yoshi they don’t believe me
But you won’t let those haters eat me
Yoshi
Shoot Farken wishes to thank Jeff Vatuvei @AardigOranje for the digital illustration of Yoshi battling the evil sokkah haters.
