Football Songs: The Shoot Farken Top 20

Here at Shoot Farken, we travel to the beat of a different football drum. We are marking the start of the A-League season with a countdown of football songs.  The criteria to make the Shoot Farken Top Twenty was simple – no World Cup songs (which was pretty easy in the end as most of them are terrible).

20. “Bin I Radi, Bin I König” by Petar Radenkovic

“In 1967, a poll found that German children cited four names when asked who their biggest idols were: John F. Kennedy, Winnetou (a fictional hero of popular novels), Albert Schweitzer and Petar Radenkovic.”

Serbian goalkeeper Petar Radenkovic wasn’t only the first Bundesliga superstar, as super German football writer Uli Hesse recently wrote, he was also the first bona fide football pop star.

The flamboyant Radenkovic basically created modern goalkeeping with his derring-do dashes outside the box to extinguish opposition attacks (as witnessed at Wembley in the 1965 Cup Winners’ Cup Final) and outrageous madcap runs into the opposition half.

Blessed with golden vocal chords handed down from his crooning father, Rick Rondell, who worked “in the best supper clubs from Montreal to St. Louis”, the charismatic TSV1860 Munich goalkeeper released a Bavarian style noveltly oompah song, “Bin i Radi, bin i König” in 1965.

The immodest but entirely accurate “Am I Radi, am I King” was a hit.

Bin i Radi, bin i king, everything else bothers me little
what other people tell me is the same, same, same
Bin i Radi jajaja, i am king ja

The single sold 400,000 copies and reached No.5 in the German charts. Unfortunately, it also set the trend for talented footballers with shocking vocal ability, like Franz Beckenbauer in 1966 and Johan Cruyff in 1969, to assail the ears of listeners with their dire efforts. We have all been suffering ever since.

 19. “Rummenigge” by Alan and Denise (1983)

There have been plenty of songs written about footballers (and there will certainly be a few more appearing on this list) but when it comes to accurately nailing down your object of affection with award-winning lyrics then nothing comes close to Alan & Denise’s country and western flavoured “Rummenigge”.

Over in West Germany there’s a football player with sexy knees
With sexy knees? With sexy knees!
Talking ’bout a man with sexy knees
Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, what a man
Rummenigge, Rummenigge, I’m a fan
Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, he’s so strong
Rummenigge, Rummenigge, all night long
Rummenigge, Rummenigge, all night long

 The inspiration for the song came as Alan & Denise watched in awe-struck wonder as a rampaging Rummenigge scored twice in a friendly against England in October 1982. The single was released in 1983, when the sexy kneed striker was playing at Bayern, and criminally only reached No.43 on the German charts. There was even a German version of the song released by Cleo and Wolfgang.

Unfortunately for the great Karl-Heinz, opposition fans latched on to the tune to sing not-so-nice things about his sexy knees. Maybe, that was the real reason for his move to Inter Milan the following year.

First he traps the ball…and then?
Karl-Heinnz Rummenigge puts it in, puts it in, puts it in
What a player, what a sport
He’s the cutest thing in shorts
What’s the secret? What’s the trick?
He’s got such a lovely kick!

Here is Alan and Denise’s version in full just in case the shortened wacky music video below leaves you wanting more.

18. “We’ve Got A Feeling” by Basile Boli & Chris Waddle (1991)

In 1987, “Diamond Lights”, an unlikely cheesy slice industrial pop sung by Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle stormed the UK singles chart (it got as high as No.12). The duo even appeared on Top of the Pops.

I’ll let Chris Waddle take up the story with this chat to The Guardian.

We recorded a follow-up called It’s Goodbye. It was all ready, and the pre-orders were going quite well but Glenn moved to Monaco so he couldn’t promote it. It was a shame, because it was a decent song. We’d done a proper video as well, spent two days on it. The video for Diamond Lights was really cheap. We had to go on Top of the Pops ourselves because they said the video was so bad they wouldn’t show it.

When I was playing for Marseille I did a song with Basile Boli called We’ve Got a Feeling. It was more of a laugh, that one, but a lot of people liked it. And that’s my career as a singer so far. As for the future, you never know. After a few beers I still like my karaoke, though you won’t catch me singing Diamond Lights.

Actually, “It’s Goodbye” was not a ‘decent song’. It was a piece of musical merde, Chris!!

Not only that, but our English friend with dodgy music taste didn’t even realise he helped create pop music magic with Boli.

This was confirmed after he answered this reader’s question for FourFourTwo.

Q: After a less than comfortable experience with Diamond Lights, why oh why did you go back for more pop action with Basile Boli in We’ve Got a Feeling? Also what the hell was that video all about? It’s one of the best/worst pop videos I’ve ever seen…

A: Err, money. Next question…I had to play an English gent, wear a bowler hat and twirl an umbrella around. Basically, I had to make a tit of myself. It did get to number one in Albania though. Unfortunately, the video’s recently been posted on YouTube, so it’s been re-born. I just hope it doesn’t get re-released!

I present to you the wonderfully loopy “We’ve Got A Feeling” with bonus sensational music video. Technically not a song about football,  although there is a reference to Waddle’s skill with a rubber ball, it is however one the best song ever sung by a footballer(s) and also conclusive proof that Albanians do have better musical taste than Chris Waddle.

Basile Boli take a bow. You’re a star.

What are they singing about? Here are the lyrics for the curious.

  17. “Three English Football Grounds” by I, Ludicrous (1987)

The first few post-punk Joy Divisionish bars kick in, followed by some wobbly Peter Hookish bass, and then South London’s I, Ludicrous take us on a journey to three English football grounds where they survey the scene and taste the beer.

Welcome to the Den, South-East 14
Do not believe all you see or read
We are not animals, we are human beings
Whose fans only resort to violence
in the face of immense provocation
Nearest station is New Cross Gate
£3 to get in and the beer is good

The song now listens as football time capsule. A trip back to the recent past, visiting grounds that don’t exist anymore and paying prices that were, wait for it, affordable. A lost era.

I, Ludicrous was formed by William Hung and John Procter, a pair of Crystal Palace fans with a love for the music of The Fall and a penchant for writing songs, among other things, about football. They sent Mark E Smith their bedroom 4-track demo, and he made them The Fall’s support act. Legendary indie music DJ John Peel became a fan.

 16. “Replay” by Trio Esperanca (1973)

No surprise then that a Brazilian football song appears in the Shoot Farken Top 20 and it won’t be the last. A veritable gold mine of football music that starts all the way back in 1919 with “Um A Zero”, an incredible futuristic piece of orchestral jazz music by the legendary Brazilian music innovator, Pixinguinha.

As website Choro Music wrote,

“Pixingunha composed “Um A Zero” as a tribute to the Brazilian national soccer team’s victory over the Uruguayan, which brought the first international title to the country, as South American champions. The modernism of this choro is amazing, even when compared to so many other works composed more than a half century later”

Like picking a single out of a jukebox, I have chosen “Replay”, a song recorded in the early ’70s by vocal trio Trio Esperanca.

I can’t think of another song where the joy of scoring a goal (in this instance by Paulo Cesar of Flamengo) is described so sensually. Lyrical foreplay and orgasmic goal bound climax combine to leave you in a delirious sodden heap by the end of it.

Paulo César prepares for his deadly shot
The wall is in a state of confusion
Attention (thururu thururu thuthu)
Prepared (thururu thururu thuthu)
Ran (thururu thururu thuthu)
And shoots

A goal…
What happiness!
A goal is joy for my team of the city ...

15. “Santa Maradona” by Mano Negra (1994)
&
14. “La Vida Tombola” by Manu Chao (2007)

Two songs about the greatest player that ever lived (El Pibe de Oro would agree). Pele can only dream about having songs like this written about him, instead he has to make do with a lifetime supply of longer lasting sex.

First we have Manu Chao, who was the singer of raucous Franco-Spanish ska punk band Mano Negra, going all pyro with the fans in Marseille with the rambunctious, rollicking “Santa Maradona.”

Then we have an older, more chilled out, Manu Chao strumming his guitar with “La Vida Tombola”, a lovely ode to the great man. The song also appeared in the 2008 documentary Maradona By Kusturica.

13. “Belfast Boy” by Don Fardon (1970)

Don Fardon was a draughtsman from Coventry who became a singer for ‘60s freakbeat band The Sorrows. In 1968, Fardon had a hit in Australia (it got to No.3) when he captured the rebellious zeitgeist of the time with a cover version of “Indian Reservation”. Two years later Fardon released “Belfast Boy” after the song was written for a BBC documentary World of Georgie Best. The song only reached No. 32 in the UK charts.

But much like the player himself, the song earned cult status. So much so, that 20 years ago Man City fans Oasis would play the funky little number about the Man United style icon just before they came on stage.

Coz you move like a downtown dancer
With your hair hung down like a mane
And your feet play tricks like a juggler
As you weave to the sound of your name

12. “All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit” by Half Man Half Biscuit (1986)

In The Rough Guide to Rock, Patrick Thorne wrote:

“A band as savage as they were whimsical, Half Man Half Biscuit provided an unexpected dessert for those British post-punk teenagers who lamented the demise of bands with bite. Nigel Blackwell’s inimitable songwriting on the minutiae of life, football and TV celebs quickly garnered cult status.”

Nigel Blackwell grew up on a Birkenhead estate, spent five years existing on bi-monthly unemployment cheques, watched a hell of a lot of television and with his fellow HMHB mates fanatically supported the local team, Tranmere Rovers. In other words, The University of Northern English Life.

Blackwell is one of England’s great post-industrial thinkers. Here’s some advice to the gormless, status anxiety afflicted, middle class who read books by cod philosopher Alain de Botton – bin them and listen to HMHB’s “Paintball’s Coming Home” instead.

Anyway, back to the football. According to A Brief History of HMHB:

The band were twice asked to appear on “The Tube”, Channel 4’s live music show, but on both occasions turned it down, saying that they’d prefer to go to watch their local football team, Tranmere Rovers. Even the offer of a helicopter to fly them to the ground after performing wouldn’t change their minds.

That’s what you call supporting your team!!

Here’s HMHB with the greatest song ever written about playing Subbuteo – “All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit”

Not to be outdone with Central European football club references, they also wrote a song called “ I Was A Teenage Armchair Honved Fan.

11. “Strachan” by The Hitchers (1997)

Haven’t read Nick Hornby’s Fever Pitch? Well, you really won’t need to after you’ve listened to this inspired piece of football kitchen sink drama worthy of Harold Pinter from Irish band, The Hitchers.

She waited for the match to start
to start a fight up with me.
She said, “What’s that you’re watching?”,
“It’s a programme about art”.
She said, “A programme about art?”, I said
“A programme about art” and then the greatest
midfield artist of them all walked out onto the park.

 “Am I talking to myself?”, she says, “or talking to the wall?”
“Will you look at me while I’m talking to you!”

Yes, living with a football obsessed bloke really is a pain in the arse.

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