On a recent trip to Delphi, aka the navel of the world, Shoot Farken gained exclusive access to Pythia, the legendary Oracle of Delphi and asked her to prognosticate on the 2018 FIFA World Cup. This is how it went down with Pythia at the Temple of Apollo.
Shoot Farken: Greetings Pythia, Great Oracle of Delphi. A momentous event in the sporting world is about to take place in Russia and we need your sage advice on how it will turn out.
Pythia: What are you offering as an act of eternal devotion. Is it as grand and impressive as the Sphinx of Naxos? You can see why I gave the Naxians priority access for my services.
Sphinx of Naxos
SF: I am afraid our offering is not as grand as the Sphinx of Naxos. It is a Shoot Farken t-shirt. Yes, it is a very modest offering, but in the Antipodes the bearer of this t-shirt is accorded great respect and….
P: Ah, stop your whimpering. Offering accepted. Just give me a second as I switch open the vapour vents. Now, what do you would you like to know?
Priestess of Delphi by John Collier, 1891.
SF: Oh Pythia, Great Oracle of Delphi, I have come to you to find out which nation will be victorious at the 2018 FIFA World Cup.
P: This World Cup you speak of, is it like the Pythian Games? They were as prestigious as the Olympic Games and were held here in my honour at our great stadium. I quite enjoyed watching those naked men run and wrestle, but then along came that crucifix worshipping, free speech denying tyrant, Theodosius, in what you now call 394 AD. He shut down my show and also put an end to our glorious Greek athletic competitions.
SF: Unlike the Pythian Games, there is only sport played at the World Cup. It is a team sport called Football. Basically, two teams of 11 men play against each other, the objective being to get the ball into the opponents goal. The team who that scores the most goals is declared the winner.
P: Are they naked?
SF: No. The teams at the World Cup will wear strips denoting which nation they are representing.
P: This is most unfortunate. And how many nations will be at this World Cup?
SF: 32, but they are the nations that qualified to be at the World Cup. Over 200 nations tried to make it to Russia, the host nation.
P: Over 200 nations. Good grief.
SF: Yes, the world is football mad. Entire nations come to a standstill when their team is playing at the World Cup.
Lycurgus consulting the Pythia by Eugene Delacroix, 1835/45.
P: So you want me to advise you on who will win this World Cup.
SF: Yes, great Pythia. Just as you advised the Athenians to abandon the city in order to defeat the Persians on the sea in the Battle of Salamis.
P: Ah yes, that one was one of my better calls. Will those pesky Persians also be at this World Cup?
SF: Yes.
P: Well, it’s simple then, the Greeks will vanquish all.
SF: I am afraid that won’t be possible. They were one of many nations that did not make the final 32.
P: This is a disgrace. What happened to the Greeks? It has been downhill ever since those ultra-organised Romans trampled all over us. But I had to hand it to the Romans, at least they had the wisdom to venerate me and adopt our beliefs and culture. So be it, those Roman appropriators will win the World Cup.
SF: The city of Rome is now part of the nation state of Italy and this formidable football nation has won four World Cups. Alas, they also didn’t qualify. It was a tremendous shock and sent the Italian people into a deep state of mourning and despair from which they are yet to recover.
P: Yes, yes. I know the feeling. Terrible. As I told Julian the Apostate (361-363), the last Roman Emperor to have my back before those damned crucifix worshipping flat earthers took over:
Tell the emperor that my hall has fallen to the ground.
Phoibos no longer has his house,
nor his mantic bay,
nor his prophetic spring;
the water has dried up.
Those were dark terrible days. May Hades rot their souls in The Underworld for what they did to me.
SF: But if it can’t be the Greeks or the Romans, then who will win the World Cup?
P: Oh, that’s easy. France will win the World Cup.
SF: How so?
P: If not for the French, I’d still be buried under a village of bloody Greek peasants. So, Vive La France!
